


The Downward Spiral 😢

by Hard_Candy17



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anger, Depression, Historical, Literature, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Teenage Drama, Verbal Abuse, non-fiction, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hard_Candy17/pseuds/Hard_Candy17
Summary: This is the sad true story about what I've done when I was 13😰





	The Downward Spiral 😢

Yes, this happened for real, when I was 13. I was going through a wild, rebellious phase and was kinda emo. //_T  
I've been abused, swearing a lot, failing my classes intentionally, passing notes in classes, things that would get me in trouble.  
This story is so dark and angsty, I'd recommend reading this while listening to this song here: https://youtu.be/53UxGmGbEAM 

It was December 2012, the day after sleeping over at my friends' house, when I tried to get on the bus with them after school, the bus driver stopped me and told me that I needed a note, which obviously is cuz I'm not registered to get on the bus. So I ran to the office to grab a sheet of paper and ran back to the bus and gave it to the bus driver. She said that this isn't the note that she wanted. She then asked me what my name was and where I live, so I told her my name and where I live at.

Soon then, the principal has assigned me to the different bus. I told the bus driver my friends' address, and he said that he's never heard of it. So I got off and soon then, as both of those buses took off, I was stranded.  
I wandered around the school yard, till I heard one of my friends calling me. Then we all went to the office and, while the secretary called my mom for her to come and get me, sat in there until pretty soon, my mom showed up.

When she was taking me home, boy, she was pretty pissed about what I've done. So she drove me over to my friends' house to go get my shit from there before she took me home. If that wasn't bad enough, she said that I was grounded till April, which I knew is insane. She kept telling me all the other past mistakes I've done on our way home.

When we stepped through the front door, Dad was sitting on the couch, playing Call of Duty, and he's pretty pissed about it too. I braced myself as when things were getting really ugly. Then soon, Mom sat down, buried her face into her hands and started crying. Dad told me to give him my stuff, like my pretty pink lamp, my stereo and my cute mini Christmas tree. I placed them on the dinner table.  
I still remember some of those abusive words that Dad has thrown at me:

"I see you've found a new life! Congratulations! Good job!"  
"I don't care for you!"  
"You're a piece of shit!"  
"You're stupid!"  
"You don't care?!"  
"On Christmas day, we will open your presents and play with them in front of you and throw some at your head!"

Then I still remembered some of the things Mom said while she was crying:

"She doesn't have a soul!"  
"Why did we bring her into this world?"  
"I guess we're gonna have to put her up for an adoption."

Of course, normally those words would reduce me to tears big time, but at that time, they didn't hurt me that much. I've been abused a lot at school. Those mean-ass boys had been calling me "ugly", "bitch", and "hoe", flipping me off, saying "Fuck you!" to my face, giving me shit about my looks and run away when they were near me. Of course, they all did hurt me at first, but after a while, I've grown used to them.

I did recall Dad slapping me kinda hard, and that I was crying a little bit, but not as much as Mom did. So then, while I was doing the dishes, my parents then cooled down and reduced my grounding time to 3 weeks.

Mom then came into the kitchen with me  
and I gave her a light hug. She told me that I was still her girl. Then she gave me a taco in a Styrofoam takeout box and I ate it.

Later that night, after I took a shower when I was going to bed, I heard a knock on my door. I walked up to it and opened it, it was Mom with my little Christmas tree. She was giving it back to me cuz we didn't want to smash our Christmas spirits.  
Then Dad told me to get my stuff back, so I did.

Of course, I wasn't completely over that trauma, cuz the next day during math class, it was bothering me so much that I gave in my temptation to write that really nasty, depressing letter to my friend. It was full of swears, with a few emotes and that one line about suicide. I figured that she might use it for her binder or something.  
I gave it to her at lunch, and I was almost proud of what I did... until after lunch, when all the kids went outside, a WHOLE group of my other friends were reading that letter. I was walking away, when soon a girl walked up to me and told me the reasons why I shouldn't kill myself.

"There are a lot of things waiting for you!"  
"You are worth something in this world!"  
"If you weren't, you wouldn't be here."

Of course, I was a little upset by what she just said to me. She sounded just like my Dad!  
Then at P.E., the coach told me to go with that woman, in which I found out was a counselor. Apparently, it was about the letter that I gave to my friend, and that there was just one line about suicide.

Of course, I knew what I wrote on there, I just didn't have the chance to read it over before giving it to my friend.  
When the counselor told me that my friend cried after reading that, I felt the wave of guilt wash over me.

My friends had given me a bath kit as an early Christmas gift and an invitation to their house, their relative's birthday party and church, and I had repaid them with nothing but abuse.  
I sorta think it was their fault that they invited me, cuz none of that would've had happened if they hadn't bothered to approach me at all. I knew I was better off being friendless. I mean, first I made my mom cry, and then my friend. I felt like such a monster.

Soon after that, when the counselor called my mom and told her about the note, I was pretty scared. I was worried that she was gonna chew me out again. She told me not to use those curse words till I was 17, but I was so angry at them, and myself, that I used them anyway.

But when my mom had finally shown up, she didn't seem very pissed at all. I think it's cuz she knew that I was suffering a lot already. She didn't bother to yell at me.  
I sat on one of those chairs, waiting, while my mom and the whole school staff were talking about that note and that I threatened to kill myself.

After they were done talking, my mom, the counselor and I went back to the counselor's office and did some more talking about the note and suicide.

Finally, after we were done, Mom then took me home and the whole rest of the day went fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Looking back into it now, I feel like I want slap my bitchy, brainless 13-year-old self across her face. Like, really hard. 


End file.
